Sometimes I just want to crawl deep inside despair. The fear of having hope and trust and then having reality take it away seems unworthy of my stability. I want to stay inside my cave where I take no risks and allow no error or failure. This week, I received some good news. My electrical …
Tag: vulnerability
Women who fuck with fear
Spending an exorbitant amount of time in my new favourite self care place, my bath, has given me a lot of time to read. I started the year with a history brief on the teamsters and the story of Frank, the Irishman. A solid start, crime based history lesson of the teamsters in the United …
Practicing Vulnerability
I stood in front of a room of strangers and shared that I twitch. Have I gone mad? Probably. My adventure down the path of allowing myself to be vulnerable continues to be a hike up a steep hill. Every step is painful, but I can feel myself reaching the peak where I can be …
On being open; even if it means having a needle in your upper buttocks
Acupuncture has never been on my to-do list. I was a little shocked when those little needles entered the top of my right butt cheek. The electronic buzzes throughout my body as the needles were linked up to a shock machine felt akin to someone tapping me lovingly; many small love taps. Laying on my …
Continue reading On being open; even if it means having a needle in your upper buttocks
Buying into that self-care crap
Our friend Robert died of Parkinsons this year. He was one hell of a character. Favourite word: fuck. Favourite way to spend time with us: teasing. He would tell you what he thought without fear of consequence, debate no matter how outlandish, and lavished in a friend’s comeback. He was a force. And I will …
The majority of people are kind
Throughout this experience, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness of others. A husband who supports me without failing to push me out of bed and not allowing me to hang out in a depressive state for too long. Family taking an active part in the journey, checking in and ensuring I am keeping up …
Focusing on what you can control
Feeling like my body is the one in charge, I have started to make decisions based on what I can control. Exercise has increased to 5 times a week with a mixture of boxing, swimming, jogging and weight training. Reassured by the ability to order my body around, I have thrown myself into it; because …
Life can suck but you sure can make it worse
Fearing paralysis, I sent myself into an absolute frenzy and panic. This aggravated my symptoms to a whole new level. A very friendly doctor in emergency saw me, and conducted a number of physical tests. She calmly told me that my reflexes and muscles were responding in a healthy way, and it was unlikely to …
Continue reading Life can suck but you sure can make it worse
This tingling isn’t sexy
On a Friday afternoon in January, the tingling started. Unfortunately, not the sexy kind. That pins and needles sensation was moving through my hands in a “whooshing” sensation. Whoosh, the pins move in; whoosh, the pins move out, in a rhythmic motion throughout the end of the work day. Concerned, I ran to the resident …
Me Without Caffeine 